finding my place.

Fact: this is the third time I've started this post. Fact: this will be the first time it will be completed. Fact: all three times this post has been started, I have been sitting at this same desk. Fact: they were at completely different times of the day. Fact: when it feels right, it feels right. Fact: it typically feels right when you are alone, and the creative spark just hits you. Fact: you'll notice that it says Tuesday down there-- I am aware that it is Wednesday and a week after I had written this. No, I am not crazy (As of yet anyway--but am just getting around to posting this).

Begin.

So, finding my place. Yes friends, that's right. Contrary to my last post, which oozed of sadness and missing my friends, I am feeling in a much better place this week. Maybe it's finding those little "spots" (IE: a coffee shop) that make you just feel right, or perhaps it is the changing of the seasons, that in turn, are allowing me to be a little more okay with my change. It hasn't been easy by any means, but I'm happy where we are. No, it isn't home. No, I'm not near the one's I love (except for Logan and Max of course....I would surely die without those two dapper gentlemen). But I'm surviving. Survival is key. I can't help but to feel that I'm doing almost more than surviving, and on the border of thriving. Maybe today is just a lucky Tuesday though. Despite my blabbering and homesick ranting, I am left feeling so fortunate. I know that I keep saying this over and over, but I do. I love my job, and I am doing so many fun, and new things that have inspired me. I like my classes, I enjoy watching my thought processes change, and I am enjoying the way that I challenge myself. Life is good. Life is also about making the best of every situation, and I feel like I'm doing just that. However, this doesn't mean that I don't miss everyone. Don't kid yourself, now. I would kill for a weekend being back home. Enjoying late night brews and laughs downtown in the mountainous, city air. Watching the leaves change and having coffee with my mom. But as time passes, and I find my place, I remind myself that I am also one day closer to be surrounded by all of this back home. But I like my new home, it's nice. 

Logan, my little "trip advisor" I call him, has made sure that we have seen every surrounding sight, and has been persistent in making sure that we have something to do every weekend. I am one lucky gal folks. Even though I love to travel and explore, I absolutely loathe planning it--which Logan and I constantly laugh about because I am such a hard "J" (from the Meyers-Briggs) in every other aspect of my life. So, luckily, Logan loves planning our travels. It's quite lovely. Having something to look forward to makes the time go by so much faster--and we have done some pretty spectacular things over the month that we've been here. This doesn't include the fun things planned for the weeks ahead. Fact: living in an area close to many major cities has such a perk in the concert-going area.


Here are just a few fun places we've explored thus far:

Above: Park at Lake Erie. Absolutely stunning. A storm had just passed through so the water was rough, but it made for good pictures. It is mind-blowing how enormous this body of water is. It literally looked like an ocean out there. This is the first Great Lake I've visited. So far, so good.

Above: A couple of weekends ago, Logan and I went to Cleveland to see Sigur Ros. These are just two of my favorite pictures that I snapped that night. I was blown away by how good they sounded. The lights were incredible. It was pretty much the equivalent of a religious experience. What made this show even more special was the fact that the venue was right on the water. This was an area of Cleveland that we hadn't visited yet, so it was nice to go explore.

Above: Dating even farther back in weekends, Logan and I traversed to Toledo to go see a show. Honestly, Toledo was meh. I would have liked to have gone to the zoo, but we were afraid of bad weather so we decided against it...and I may or may not have over-slept a little. 

environment.

Today, I’m missing home. My environment, my “safe” place. It’s a quiet morning in the office. Just myself in here. It’s kind of grey out, but there’s just enough light to where I can keep the overhead, fluorescent light off. I’m listening to The Avett Brothers, and a tear…or a few tears really…crawl down my cheek. Today, I miss my family, I miss my friends. There is something so bittersweet, and beautiful about this moment.  I chose this decision, and I truthfully couldn’t be happier about it.   I’m following my dreams, and experiencing the opportunity of a lifetime. However, nobody said that this would be easy, and I knew that it wouldn’t—but I don’t think I quite realized just how hard it would be sometimes.  While there is phone calls, and FaceTime—there is nothing quite as special as sitting down around a table having a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, beer, flute of champagne,  and just laughing. Sharing moments of your past week, both good and bad, and being thankful for the weekend or end of the workday when you can simply just lay everything out on the table. I miss that.

It’s funny though, because I know that if I had my little support group here, I know exactly what they would say. My mom would tell me how proud of me she is, and that much like every difficult situation I’ve faced, she would tell me to “keep plugging on.” My best friends would tell me that my house is haunted and that I should move back home—we would laugh, and then think about it for a moment saying in our heads “is this place really haunted?”  Each of them would then proceed to tell me how proud of me that they are, and that this is only temporary…that I’m not moving for forever. They would tell me that I have to do this, and that they understand that—I’m truly lucky.  They would tell me that they love me so much and that it will all be okay. My other best friend, who also had to move away for graduate school would probably tell me that she is feeling the same way that I am.  We would talk about how we wished that we were at the same institution so we could have our library/coffee dates every afternoon.  We would talk about our “typical” school stuff, and be each other’s backbone, telling one another that we can’t give up…because based on our “exit” exam, we are just “average,” despite the fact that our GPA’s said something else…and laugh because we made it into graduate school, and that we stressed so much over it our last semester of undergrad…and that well, we have to do it now.

I know that I’m not alone, I know that I have a huge support group behind me, but sometimes it is just sad.  I take solace in knowing that I’m pursing MY dream…this is something that I wanted, and still want…so, so, so badly. I am feeling extremely lucky to have this opportunity. I’ve only been in school a week, but I think that I already love my program, and all of my professors have been extremely helpful and kind.  I feel so proud of myself for taking this chance, and for embracing this change. I am happy to feel sad—or just to “feel” in general.  I know that where I am, sitting in this squeaky chair, enjoying the quiet morning, is exactly where I’m supposed to be, and that feels good.

 Listening to: “Salina” by The Avett Brothers

it's been a week.

Okay, so it has technically been over a week since we've been in Ohio, but here are all of the pictures that I promised you all. This post is a little picture heavy, so forgive me...or don't forgive me, if you don't like looking at pictures, then perhaps this will be boring to you. I have mixed feelings about being gone a week already...but we can talk about that later.

To start, our bedroom...of course, Max had to make an appearance as well. This is such a quiet and relaxing for me. As of now, it's pretty simple, a few of my favorite pictures and lot's of natural sunlight. 

I wasn't planning on posting a picture of my closet, but for those of you who saw my previous closet, this space is HUGE for me. While I still struggle with room, it's much better than the shoe closet I was previously given, so I can't really complain. There are a lot of higher shelves in here, which are great for storing things that I don't need just yet, but I need to get a little step ladder as the shelves are much higher than I can reach.

 Ladies and gents, if you visit, you can rest you eyes in this dreamy room. This has also doubled as our own little record shop for now. We have yet to find a good piece of furniture to hold our records so we're keeping them here until we find something that we like.

 Not that you need to know what our bathroom looks like, but I figured why not right?

 Ah, the breakfast nook. I feel quite spoiled with this place. It has allowed us to get away with not having a dining room table and will comfortably seat four, and can, if needed, seat six. I was really excited to hang a couple of my favorite vintage pieces that my Aunt Tammy gave me a while back. She graciously gave me two magazines from the late 1800s that I was able to frame. In addition, there is a set of two lady paintings (below) that were featured in the magazine. They are such neat trinkets to have, and I am so excited to finally hang them. You can't see it, but there is a picture of someone in my family in France being interviewed in front of the Eiffel tower also. My mom had actually used this picture to accompany a paper she wrote in high school on France (which I also have). I really enjoy having these family things.

One thing that I truly love about our apartment is the amount of natural light that we have. There are so many windows in every room that we pretty much leave open at all times so we always have great sunlight throughout the day. I love our kitchen...unique and eclectic. A really fun fact is that we actually have a laundry chute in our kitchen. It would be really cool to use it, but when we looked around last week, we could never figure out where it came out....so for now we don't use it.

I've always dreamt of having a great office space, and we have that now. We were able to get some prints from our great friend Patrik before we left, so it's really nice to have a small slice of Tennessee with us. When we were decorating, I wanted to make sure that there were homey pieces in every room. From art made by friends, to photographs of our friends and family, to posters of our favorite concerts--it really makes the space feel like home, and makes me at least, feel right at home. 

And lastly, my favorite place in this entire house-- our living room. I've never had a living room that I wanted to "live" so much in. While I truly love every space, this is perhaps my favorite. It houses some of the most memorable times that Logan and myself have had the past almost seven years. In addition, everything is just so plush and comfortable. We probably spend most of our time here, and it is so nice to come here at the end of the day and just sink into the couch, cover up with our ginormous throw and watch something on netflix.


So here's where we are after a week--and completely unpacked at that!  Being in this great space, that we've truly made our own makes it feel like we are much closer to home than we actually are. It definitely hasn't been the easiest week, so having such a relaxing space does take the edge off.

It all truly started when we woke up on moving day. As luck would have it, I stepped on my glasses, snapping them in two. Luckily I had a crappy back-up pair that got me through to today, which meant my new glasses arriving! Our next mishap occurred when we didn't hear the gas company on Saturday morning, and so we were without hot water until this past Wednesday. Never underestimate the power of a hot shower, friends. When we finally got our washing machine on Friday, the cheap-o dryer we had purchased from the previous tenants crapped out on us after only drying one load of clothes. Luckily, we have a laundromat that is also a bar--so while our clothes dried, Logan and I had a nice brew, played a game of pool (which was quite comical because I am horrible at pool), and actually scored some free pizza.

So as you can imagine, it's been kind of a roller-coaster week. However, we are still alive and kicking, and if none of this would have happened, I probably would have been fearful for what was about to happen. At this point, I really enjoy it up here. I'm getting excited as the week ahead holds orientation, meeting with the professor I will be working with--kind of getting my feet planted.  I've had my hard moments though too. I've found myself really missing everyone back at home. It's funny though, it seems as if every moment I find myself getting homesick, I also find myself being lifted up by my support system. I am humbled by knowing that they are here to support me every step of the way. I am so thankful for my friends.

So, while the going may sometimes get tough, I also know that I am on this grand adventure in this part of my life, and that I need to enjoy every moment of it. Tonight I am doing so with take out from a place Logan and I discovered, and I can't wait.

Happy week friends!
Listening to: Troubleman by Electric Guest

running on empty.

Greetings from Ohio, friends!

I haven't posted anything in a bit...as many of you know, Logan, Max, and myself are now in Ohio! So I am coming to you live from my comfy living room...a work in progress, but that feels so much like my home, it's simply incredible.

We made it here in one piece, surprisingly...and for only being here for three full days now, I kind of can't believe the progress that we've made on this place. I truly have our friends and family to thank for this. I can't believe how lucky Logan and I are to have individuals in our lives who would voluntarily help us pack, help us pack up a u-haul, drive said u-haul, help us unpack the u-haul, help us unpack our new apartment (including hanging the insane amount of art we own), and most importantly be there as the greatest support system (here and back home) that two people could ever ask for.  As we said our final "see you guys soon," and the final tears were shed I'm left running on empty. When I say running on empty, I don't necessarily mean that I feel completely finished. I feel like that tank of gas that has lasted you for two weeks...it is quite bittersweet. It's that feeling of sheer tiredness due to the fact that you've been running full force for the past two weeks non- stop, and your body is saying "stop already"...yet I feel full of life and happiness...thankfulness really.

It's hard to be so far away from the ones you love. I don't think that it has hit me that we won't be able to see everyone this coming weekend, and I think that sadness will hit. However, I can't help but to feel that what I'm doing is right.  Although I can't completely speak for Logan, I think that he feels the same way. I was talking to my mom on the phone on my drive up here and we really talked about all of this. I told her that I knew that what we were doing was a good thing because after I had said my "see you soon's," I no longer felt that dread. I couldn't help but to feel excited and feel everyone's support running through my veins. I knew that if this were a mistake that I would have felt miserable the entire drive up there. Instead, as I sit here tonight, missing everyone, I know that it will all be okay.

Meanwhile, I am enjoying making our new apartment our home. Logan has been such a good sport about all the countless hours of shopping in Target...I'm a lucky gal. Even though we still have two rooms left to unpack, I'm feeling pretty good about everything. I'm so happy that I feel so in my "element" here...not just in this apartment, but in this town...this area...I am lucky...REPEAT...lucky.

I can't wait to share pictures with you all of how things look...talk about life here so far...you know...the whole nine yards. Hopefully these will come later this week, before things get really hectic with school orientation...blah blah blah.

Love and positivity to you folks out there.

life like candy crush.

Before I get to what this post is really all about, I would like to take a moment to set my scene for you...it's quite comical I swear. I decided to come to Starbucks this afternoon, for many reasons. One for some coffee, two for the free wifi that accompanies the coffee...and lastly, I just really needed to get out of the house (you'll understand why if you keep reading *does evil laugh inside her head*...and yes, I did just refer to myself in the third person...I have entered this level of crazy, ladies and gentlemen).  Although coming to Starbucks seemed like a good idea at the time, it hardly ever is. While I do enjoy the quiet chatter that surrounds a coffee shop, Starbucks is always very crowded...it's like they were playing Tetris to see how many pieces of furniture they could possibly fit into one room.  Needless to say, I ended up cramped next to some guy in one of the leather chairs because I needed an outlet (literally). Needless to say, the gentleman left shortly after I loudly arranged my things (it happens...I couldn't help it). He was either annoyed by me (and if I were him I would have left also)...or thought I smelled weird. This is also a possibility considering that I didn't shower yesterday, and still haven't today. NEWSFLASH! I am a woman, and have not showered in two days...sue me.

Anyway, now that my beginning rant is over, I can tell you why life has recently felt a lot like candy crush.  For those of you who play, perhaps you have pondered this idea, but maybe not.  I myself, am not very good at candy crush. I typically don't beat a level on the first try and give up due to frustration...only to start back at it hours later. This is exactly how my life has felt recently.  NEWSFLASH #2 Packing sucks. On top of packing, I've been dealing with a whirlwind of emotions with moving. Much like candy crush, I often find myself feeling completely defeated. Overwhelmed by the mess that we're calling our "apartment" right now...half packed...and the other half just laying in heaps. It is so hard to find any kind of motivation when you pack and clean for a few hours, and yet you still feel like you've accomplished nothing. I hate packing, and was quickly reminded this week as to why.  My life has also felt like candy crush in the friend department too. The past two weeks have been extremely rough for me.  I've been extremely needy...in terms of my friends, and my mom...and I am just so thankful that they've stuck with me...because I know that I've been a real pain. In my defense, however, I've never moved this far away before, so perhaps this constant rollercoaster of emotions is how I'm supposed to feel. I'm fine for a few hours; getting excited about the adventure ahead...and then the next minute I'm a complete wreck and in tears...story of my life.

Despite how hard, difficult, confusing, and unexplainable life feels right now, I am so thankful for the support system that both Logan and myself have.  Earlier this week, two of my best friends came to rescue me and drove over an hour to help me pack. They knew that I wouldn't ask for help (and they are both right) so they just came willingly. After dinner, and 1/2 off frozen yogurt we totally destroyed the majority of the living room. These girls are beasts.  But of course, just when we started to realize that we were done packing for the night (we ran out of duct tape) the tears began to flow. I know that they are happy for me, just as I am happy for myself, but at the same time, it down- right sucks. A very similar thing happened last night when another one of my best friends came over for one last time before she moved to take a big girl job in Florida. It was all nice (well not really, it  was really awkward because we knew saying "see you later" was going to have to happen soon) until I walked her to her car...and here came the waterworks. Again, I'm so happy and proud of her, but it sucks that I can't see her all the time.

All of these emotions have really made me realize something...and that something is so clear. I've realized that I perhaps have the best friends that any girl could ask for. I've had many "friends" in my lifetime, and they are no longer here...it just didn't work out, and that's okay. It may have taken me almost twenty-two years of my life to meet my best friends, but I am so glad to have this group of girls. We were talking over the weekend about how within yourself you will truly see your five best friends. I can proudly say that I can see this, and have never had that kind of experience. While having these emotions really stink right now, I'm also grateful to know that I'm experiencing these feelings because I truly do care about these girls, and they feel the same for me. That alone, gives me comfort in this move.

...I now just have to  finish packing (with the assistance of Logan and Max of course) and run about a million errands in order to cross off my "to-do" list....which looks more like a endless scroll...

Typing this all down, really helps me de-stress about the whole situation, and I know that it will all be okay. Emotions are good, and I'm glad to have them.

What helps you de-stress?

it's not what you think.

I should first mention that I wrote this a couple days ago...since then, I almost decided to not do this.  After much contemplation, and staring at my blank blog page, I realized that this was something that I was ready to do (I think). So, I'll now stop beating around the bush (no pun intended), and let you have it.

As I  sat down with Logan at lunch today, I told him the mastermind idea that will hopefully be The Butterfly Bush.  When I told him that I was going to start a blog, he automatically asked "what's the title?" Logical question, I thought. However, I think he thought that the title was going to be a little more "catchy" or whatever, so when I proudly blurted out "The Butterfly Bush," he burst out laughing...okay, burst out laughing is a over exaggeration, but he did giggle. I automatically knew why he was laughing because I too laughed at myself yesterday when I was going through the "possible names" list in my head.  So before I allow you to think any more about the title and what it could mean, I'll explain it for you. In the beginning of the summer I knew that I wanted to start a blog. This whole "blogging" thing is relatively new to me…I've just recently began truly following a couple of blogs, but I've really gotten into it. Although I am new at all of this, I have enjoyed writing, and have done so my entire life.  Back to the story, eh? So I knew that it was something that I wanted to try at least, but I didn't really know what  I would blog about…if I would have time, etc. etc…It just occurred to me within the past week, that now is the time to start my blog. It was like it all fit together, and made sense perfectly. As Logan and I are about to move, I wanted to be able to document this journey that we, and myself personally are about to embark on as we move to Ohio, and  I start working on my Master's degree. I wanted to be able to create a space where everyone back home, and anyone in-between could keep up with everything going on. This is truly where the name "The Butterfly Bush" came about.  At our current residence there is a beautiful butterfly bush outside our bedroom window. Our cat, Max frequents the windowsill and watches the myriad of little creatures that visit the butterfly bush. I wanted this blog to be very similar.   I wanted to create a space for myself and others that is truly limitless.  I hope to blog about a very wide variety of things…some that may be personal…some that simply peak my interest.  As different creatures visit the butterfly bush outside my bedroom window, I wanted anyone to feel welcome.  I think that sometimes, from the blogs that I've read, some of them are targeted toward a certain audience, and I hope that my target audience is whomever stumbles upon, or purposefully types in the web address.  I am truly unsure as to how this will go…on many levels…but I've decided to simply… go for it…to truly carpe the diem…so time will tell. I hope that you all will stick along, and enjoy your stay.

Listening to: My Morning Jacket- The Day is Coming